My energy was feeling funky for about a week.
I'm not sure how to really explain it, but it was definitely low vibe and just felt...off.
It had me super emotional and really down on myself for every little thing.
Initially, I felt fear. As it reminded me of the beginning stages of my depression a few years back.
Mostly, I felt confusion. As to where it came from and why.
For about a week, I fed into it. I let it bring me down. I let it weaken me.
And it was shitty, to say the least.
Often when people get into these funks, even the most obvious answers are blocked from a lack of clarity. And that's what happened with me. I know that when my energy is off, it's time to go within. I know that there is work to be done, energy to be released, and cleansing to be done. But I had such chaos in my mind, that I lacked the obvious clarity.
Finally, while in the shower it hit me and I had that little ray of clarity...and that's all I needed to wake tf up and remember what I needed to do: so I got to work.
I touched on this in the last email that went out, but not fully. I did some releasing in the shower, envisioning the water washing away the low vibe, stagnant energy that wasn't serving me. I got out of the shower feeling amazing. But the work didn't stop there, because energy work isn't all that simple.
After my shower, I lit a candle (my Alchemy candle to be exact) so I could focus on the flame. Sometimes when I'm all over the place mentally and trying to do some self healing, ego likes to step in with fears, self doubts, memories of a car ride when I was 5, what I made for dinner, and where did my tupperware lid go...etc, etc, etc.
So when this happens, I light a candle. I focus on the flame and become mindful of my breath. By focusing on the flame, I'm able to get into a trance-like, meditative state where I am more focused and mindfully present for what needs to be done.
This state of being allows thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are relevant and asking for attention to make their way to the forefront. And that's exactly what I do-give it my attention. I interview each thought. I'll use one that I released on this day as an example.
Lately, I had felt small. Unseen. Unimportant. Just taking up space. This was the first thing to come up. So I allowed it, but in a special kind of way. Where I can feel it, but also simultaneously observe it from an outside perspective. Like when a friend comes to you for advice when they're feeling lost, and the answer is so obvious to you. Why? Because you're an outside observer. You're able to take a step back and see the big picture, rather than getting lost in the details.
So that's what I do for myself: I honor and allow myself to feel, but also observe the reality of what's going on from an outside perspective.
After feeling the surface of this issue, I went deeper. I asked "why are you here? Where did you come from, what is your root?" and I was guided to memories of my childhood. First from late teen years, then younger and younger (the deeper I went, the more painful it became and harder to get through. But I knew I had to) until finally my first and earliest memory of feeling this way when I was about 5 years old.
I had forgotten all about this memory, lost in the endless boxes of memories kept in the attic of my mind. So I took my time observing this memory, truly feeling it and being there. I saw myself as a little girl. The confusion, the hurt, the shame and embarrassment. I saw myself put my head down and shrink small. I saw my face fall as I tried to blink back tears and cover my face so I wouldn't get in trouble for crying.
It broke me to see this little girl so hurt, so desperate to be heard. And when I realized that the little girl was me...I was overwhelmed with emotion.
I allowed myself to go deeper. To not only observe the memory, but to become a part of it. I walked in, and sat down by my Inner Child and offered a quiet "hey".
She still didn't look up, she just stared at the floor. So I said "hey" once again.
She looked up and looked confused to see me, but more so studied me and still didn't speak.
I looked deep into her eyes and just began talking to her. I told her I was sorry for the pain she felt, and that she felt unimportant. I told her I was there for her and understood. I told her that there would unfortunately be more times throughout life where she felt that pain, but that it would be okay. Because one day, she would find her voice again. She would step back into her power, and she would lead and teach others to do the same. And that it would be so incredibly beautiful and empowering, and how proud she would feel to be able to stand fearlessly as she truly is, and help guide others to do the same.
With that, I saw my little face lighten up a bit and smile. I smiled back and told her how very loved she was and always would be, and came back into the present.
I must've cried for a solid hour after, but damn did I feel so much better.
I felt the empty space where I released the energy, the sadness, the low vibe feelings and emotions. But I was happy to have space there, because I knew that I could now fill the space with better, more positive energy that will assist me in my growth.
Ego doesn't like space. It likes things to be filled up, so at times that energy will try to sneak it's way back in. But I recognize it, and don't allow it. I tell it that it's no longer welcome and is no longer part of who I am.
This is a combination of shadow work, releasing energy, and inner child work...all three of which are the most difficult but most important work you will ever do for yourself. Within this space is where the most healing and the most growth takes place. If it were easy, everyone would do it and there wouldn't be the emotional traumas and pain that is passed down through generations, embedded in your cells and DNA.
But when you work on this...when you actually do it, you're changing the game. You're healing not only yourself, but past AND future generations. You're releasing this pain from your ancestors, and you're changing the very way that your future generations react, respond, and perceive the world around them. This way they can handle things in a much healthier way and be full of the love you've given to yourself.
How fucking powerful is that? Is that not the most beautiful and deeply gratifying thing?
And it all starts with YOU. YOU have the power to do this. To self heal. To change the narrative and heal generations worth of trauma.
The questions have to be asked...are you ready to do the work? Are you ready to go within and face your biggest fears and darkest shadows? Your most painful memories? Things that you've locked away for years, fearful of letting them out?
This isn't a one time fix all solution, it takes constant work and constant checking yourself mentally and emotionally. Checking in with your intuition, allowing it to guide you in truth rather than ego guiding you in fear.
There are some days that it will try to sneak its way back in, especially when you're emotionally tired, overwhelmed, become angry, etc...it's up to you to recognize this and not allow it back in. To remove the blockages for good, never allowing them to manifest in your energetic space again.
And what do you do with the empty space? You fill it with things that ignite the passion within. That bring you love, joy, and peace. Things that are aligned with who you truly are in your soul and is aligned in your soul's purpose in this lifetime.
So, I ask again...are you ready?
In my program, the Expansive Energies Collective, I teach and guide you how to do this. A majority of the program is spent on shadow work, because like I said...this is the most difficult and most important part of your growth and healing as a human. This is where you'll require the most support and guidance. The most love and understanding. And that's what I'm here to do: to provide that for you while creating a safe space for the women in the program to connect, share, and grow together.
So if you're ready, if you're truly ready and feel your intuition screaming at you that it's time...please reach out to me. I'll get you set up with a free 1:1 energy scan and guidance call to ensure that we're a good fit energetically and that my program is right for you. And if it isn't, then I can point you in the right direction.
I spent the past 5 years doing this alone, scared to share with others. Scared of being shamed or judged. And it was a long, lonely road. I don't wish it upon anyone. I'm here to support and guide you back home to your true soul's essence, aligned with mission and purpose.
Let's do this, together.
I got you.